What a Roller Coaster…..
I know most of ya’ll saw on social media, that we had a case presented to us and were not chosen. This one was super hard for me to hear. Just something about this case…so many things that felt like God was telling us this was our baby. To similarities on birth weights, gestational age, etc. Without giving details…..this case just felt very connected to us.
We waited ALLLL day. I cannot even begin to explain the anxiety I felt all day. I think I prayed over 100x that day. For us, for our hearts, for the birth mom, for that sweet baby sitting alone in the NICU. So many prayers were sent. It’s hard to hear “no” ya’ll. I know it’s in God’s timing and not mine. We do understand that, but this one felt pretty close to home.
In 12hrs we went from excited, to nervous, to stressfully googling airline tickets, to chatting with family about plans with kids if we were chosen, to heartache…. everything happens for a reason and I know God’s plan is greater than I can imagine right now.
But yesterday, my heart hurt. And if you know me….I am pretty even keel. I don’t get angry, sad, upset, super happy, I am pretty good with keeping my emotions at bay. My parents used to ask me growing up , “how you doing”….and it was ALWAYS “fine”. I’m “Fine.” Even my senior year when I pretty much broke my ankle and had to miss part of a playoff game….I was “fine”. (I wasn’t fine).
Yesterday, was no different….I found out at a girls dinner. Went to the bathroom, cried for 2 mins. Wiped away my tears and sent a txt to my husband that I was “fine”….I’ve been in a funk for the last 24hrs. This page helps me get out of that funk.
Working, chatting, everyone who sent messages that said “i’m so sorry, my heart hurts for you”….those meant everything to me. I know everyone means well when they send “in Gods timing”….but I really just loved hearing ppls heart felt our aches. Ppls txts who just said “i’m here, i will sit with you, I will pace with you”….Those ones hit our hearts good….and I am so so super thankful for you!!
Tomorrow is a new day….and I’m ready for it!
Someone asked us if we tell the kids every time we submit. The short answer: NO. Can you imagine their little hearts? We are grown adults and it’s hard on us, We will tell our kids when we match and are headed to get our baby. But, as for all the “no’s”….we are choosing to protect their hearts from that.